Since it's Elvis's birthday today, here's a joke I've been telling all day:

Q: What would Elvis be doing if he was alive today?

A: Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

Speaking of Capricorns, I make an effort every year to remember my hatsuyume (Japanese term for first dream of the new year). I don't believe the luck part of it, but I believe there is some validity to the traditional thought that it can perhaps help guide you in the year ahead, as dreams are supposed to be one's subconscious either finishing recent incomplete thoughts or trying to tell the conscious part of you something that you should already know. People are thinking about resolutions at this time of the year, so it's natural to have dreams about what you want to happen for the next 12 months. I've had pretty awesome hatsuyumes in the past, including one when I was 16 that told me who my friends really are and it has served me well in the years since (at the time I thought I had these kinds of dreams on that day because it was my birthday, as it falls on the same day as hatsuyume, but it turns out the Japanese knew the real reason). So here's my 2011 hatsuyume, in rambling style because dreams tend to ramble and make little sense anyway:

Dream begins. It's night and I'm waking in the rock quarry that is near the house I grew up in, I see a bunch of people looking at the very starry sky as if they expect something to happen that night, they appear to be new age / new thought types of people (been reading books on that subject lately, with an open skeptic mind) and I'm thinking perhaps there's a meteor shower or something. I look up and see a large, bright meteor slowly streak across the sky and leave a long smoke trail. For some reason I think that it's a comet, or perhaps I want to explain to people there that it's a meteor and not a comet as non-astronomical people confuse the two often. Then I'm driving a subcompact car along a back road at night, I go over a small bridge and I see too late that the bridge is out, part had collapsed, but I was going fast enough that my car jumped over the bridge and landed on the other side safely. Some other people and I try to put the bridge back together while we wait for the pigs to show up, but I don't recall us getting it back up as the metal grates we used as a temporary solution weren't working so well. Then there's this girl from my past that looked familiar (but by the time I wrote down my dream I had forgotten who this might be or look like), she wanted to go out with me, and I was happy that she finally did, so we made plans to do something that evening after I had taken care of some business or errands, but whatever I needed to take care of was taking a long time. Dream ends.

Haven't taken the time to look up any of the elements in my dream dictionaries to see what they mean. Regardless, there are some pretty damn big bridges I want to jump over.

tis the season to give 2 shits and a twist
First off, I'd like to thank Yahoo Answers for providing thoughtful, intelligent answers to the important, burning questions that we all have from time to time.

Every year when I drive down John Nolan Drive around this time of year I see a big display of Christmas lights over in that one park where they have Beerfest every summer, I forget the name of it. This year I decided to drive through the park to see what the big deal is. (Actually, in past years I thought it was just something to look at from John Nolan, but this year I saw that the lettering for the Ronald McDonald House was backwards, clueing me in to the fact that one has to drive through the park to see everything.)

I start the drive through. See a sign that says I should turn off my headlights and turn on my parking lights so I can see them better. But I don't know how to turn off my headlights at night. They're automatic, I've never turned them off in the 6 years I've had my Buick. I decide to RTFM, but the manual doesn't say how to do that while moving. So I leave them on and ruin Christmas for the other cars driving through the park.

At the end I see there is a mailbox-like thing to drop money into to support the lights. I figure that there are other organizations that need it more badly, and Ronald McDonald wipes his yellow and red ass with 100 dollar bills and can fund the lights easily all on his own, so I drive past it to a booth where some guy is standing and freezing. He hands me some candy canes and a leaflet that says "thanks for supporting the lights", even though I didn't.

But a couple of the light displays had a sign next to them that said my employer helped pay for them, so technically that means I give a shit by proxy, right?

5.7 hours of my life. Names changed to protect the guilty.
A couple of Saturdays ago I stumbled into the Inferno to see the Meat Market fashion show. I'd never seen any kind of runway fashion show before (no big loss I'm assuming) so I was curious. One of my favorite local bands Glass Ghosts played while dudes and dudettes waltzed out showing off what they were wearing, some suspended by hooks in their skin.

After that my pal Kat wanted to go to the V-hole (her term for the local nudie bar). I hopped in a car with her and my buddy / her husband Ned. I got in free when Kat walked in with me posing as her date (employee discount I assume) and had a few drinks. I recognized one of the dancers from an online dating site.

Our buddy Todd shows up with a girl he picked up somewhere and invites us to an afterbar at his pad. We gave him a head start while we chatted with the bartenders / waitresses, then drove to the afterbar.

Todd wasn't there. We waited around a while, still not there. Kat and I had to pee. I went around to the side of the house to take care of that bit of business. I come back to the front of the house and see Kat squatting down and pissing on his front steps, pissed about him not being there yet and wanting to leave after giving him a watery goodbye present. We go to the car, Todd finally shows up.

We go inside, walking around the wet steps, and drink some more. Todd had gone to get some of his date's friends. His date took off the belt she was wearing and showed us all the granny panties she had on. She didn't feel like putting her belt back on and thus her pants were kind of falling down the rest of the night, giving us a facefull of granny panties.

I found a bucket of Halloween candy and I started a candy fight in the living room. Ned and I were feeling spent so the 3 of us left while Todd's roommate was wresting his date on the living room floor, her pants still falling down, rolling over candy.

And there you have it, a semi-typical semi-interesting night with my friends. For the 2 of you who might have been wondering.

setlist : intoxication 09.2010
iron maiden - heaven can wait
antrhax - intro to reality / belly of the beast
slayer - spirit in black
descendents - sour grapes
misfits - land of the dead
dead kennedys - california uber alles
bad religion - the answer
ministry - radar love
reverend horton heat - 400 bucks
steel panther - asian hooker

lard - generation execute
me first and the gimme gimmes - the spy who loved me
dickies -nights in white satin
ramones - somebody put something in my drink
sex pistols - anarchy in the uk
patti smith - my generation
codeseven - boys of summer
misfits - dig up her bones
jello biafra and the guantanamo school of medicine - strength through shopping
dirty rotten imbeciles - acid rain
ministry - under my thumb

anthrax - caught in a mosh [r]
slayer - angel of death
dirty rotten imbeciles - think for yourself [r]
motorhead - ace of spades
danzig - am i demon
descendents - i'm the one
fear - i love livin' in the city
sloppy seconds - you've got a great body but your record collection sucks
ignite - who sold out now
fear factory - securitron
metal church - watch the children pray

I'm particularly thrilled that Jello Biafra finally has his own band again after only a few decades and the entire time I've been into punk (late news, but I just found out about it a year late, I'm so far out of the loop I'm... well... something that is out of the loop, metaphors fail me too). And it's a dual guitar attack to boot.

Not sure what possessed me to get an Acer AspireREVO. It's great for media and low-specs rendered games, but the lag when multitasking and browsing greedy websites stuffed with video ads is the proverbial sauce that is not particularly strong. It was the shiny factor, and the belief that I'll throw it into a MAME cabinet after a half year or so. Perhaps I'll build a new PC beast sooner than I expected.

More substantiative posts are on the way that I've been meaning to pull out of my fanny but I'm still feeling a bit burnt up. Procrastinators, bow down to your overlord.

dwarf cocks

Last week Friday I attended an art expo at the Inferno entitled "Cock" that was, well, art based on cocks. There were bands I wanted to see (ShaneShane rocked ass, Apollo and Jody can testify to that, although I didn't need to see his balls fall out of his pink bootyshorts a couple of times) and I was curious to see what kind of crowd would want to see cocks. The kind of crowd that doesn't exist apparently, as not many people ventured out. Lets face it, not many people regardless of gender or sexual orientation want to see cocks.

Saw the Dwarves the Friday before that at the Frequency, and it was one of the more fucked up shows I've ever attended. I knew that chaos usually reigns wherever they happen to be, but I did not expect the particular type of chaos that reigned. They played about 30 one minute songs and I didn't recognize any of them as I had trouble hearing the vocals (my pal Kelly complained about it as well so I don't think it was just me). To my disappointment He Who Cannot Be Named, their guitarist who always wears a wrestler mask and sometimes nothing else, was not there for whatever reason. The pit rocked ass, I got bounced around like a pinball. After about 20 minutes or maybe more I was coming back from a quick trip to the john and I see their singer walking through the crowd back to the bar area. I thought perhaps he had to pee too, but he didn't come back. The band played 2 or 3 more songs without him and then that was it. I don't know why their singer (Blag Dahlia) apparently bailed on the show early. The drunk psychos at the front then decided it would be fun to play the cymbals by throwing glass beer bottles at them. I went home with one of Blag's books (I had never bought a book at a show ever, that was a first for me) and giggling about how fucked up everything had been.
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Once the ad ends you'll be returned to your LiveJournal experience
Tuesday was an endoscopy adventure. Sat around waiting for more than an hour while I had the sedation needle jammed into a vein in my right hand as they were running behind already at 9am. I made some kind of quote from the Wizard Of Oz about tapping my shoes together as I was being sedated that I'm sure the nurses had heard a few thousand times before. Woke up to the doctor telling me I had some kind of abdominal hernia and that it would just heal on it's own. I kind of thought that might be what was happening, but don't those require surgery? Brett Favre had surgery for that, but maybe since I'm an out of shape non-athlete I'm on my own. They also found a Schatzki's ring that might make me susceptible to Steakhouse Syndrome, so I guess I can't be swallowing whole sides of pork at once. An inlet patch was found, and a biopsy taken on a slightly deformed area, but no ulcers found. So it looks like perhaps (hopefully) my 3rd hernia is what was to blame for most of the tummy cramps I've been having, that and perhaps sensitivity to cheap beer and other booze from years of abuse to my digestive system. There's a saying that if you take care of your stomach for the first 50 years of your life it will take care of you for the next 50, and perhaps I should start to do that or else I'll have to hope for artificial digestive organs to become a reality.

Got my ticket to see the Dwarves tomorrow, but I realized today that for some reason I only have one of their CDs (Blood, Guts, and Pussy). Hopped on the Soulseek and now I'm taking an illegal crash course in Dwarves mp3age.

ok, lets see, where was I.....
There. Boom. Done. That school thing I've been doing for the past 2 and a half years. Finished everything last week Monday. Confirmed yesterday that I got all A's and A minuses, GPA of 3.95.

I thought it would be easier / quicker / cheaper / less stressful to turn a BA into a BS but it turned out to be an extended nightmare, especially with the Bobs making my job a lot harder. So now is recovery time, which I expect to take weeks or months. They're already tempting me by saying I just need 12 classes to get my Masters, which I should be recovered for and ready to pursue by around, say, 2023.

So, um, what's everyone been up to the past 2 and a half years? Did I miss anything? I kinda miss myself, as I haven't been feeling like that in eons. So once I find this person that's me then I can start finding the the other people in my life, see where they all went to. I read everyone's Twitter and Facebook statuses (but rarely any non-status stuff, I can't keep up) and I read everyone's LJ posts (unless I'm short of time, then I just skim through the longer ones) but this whole nasty adventure has made me more of a hermit than usual. So I need to get back to my normal hermit mode that I enjoy, instead of mega-hermit mode. Then it's time to find new purposes in life, and start pursuing the things that I really want to pursue, now that I have time. Though I suspect I might be spending that time working more to fund these purposes.

And my body might need some recovery time too. I think I sprained my shoulder dodging bottle rockets. Or maybe that was from jumping waves on a jetski. And my lower back has been feeling kinda stiff and sore for a couple of weeks. I really hope it's not that whole getting older thing, so I'll just pretend that being a bookworm has made me way out of shape.
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mundane tales of woe are adequate for public consumption sometimes
I caught some kind of nasty sinus or throat ailment that was nastier than the Nasty Boys while pigging out or volleyballing or some other evil activity on Memorial Day weekend, so I ended up having a 3 day weekend the weekend after because I was too sick to do anything except play Fable II on the XBox. (I didn't get a 3 day weekend for Mem Day because the Man is a douchewagon.) In the game I have 2 kids that I've named Beavis and Buffy and I'm always finding new ways to cheat on my wife when I'm off on adventures.

Anyway I decided at the end of the sick weekend to order out for pizza, something I haven't done in many moons but it was too warm in the apartment to fire up the oven and I was feeling lazy and wanted leftovers for lunch for the next few days at work. Pizza Extreme is the closest awesome pie place to my coordinates, so I checked their website to see what specials they had for a large (usually they got something around 10 or 11 bucks, which I've taken advantage of countless times in the past) but this time I only saw an X-Large 2-topping deal for $13.99. Whatever, guess it'll last me 3 days instead of 2. Called in the order, drove over to the place to pick it up as I wasn't in the mood to tip for delivery. I walk in the place to claim by cheesy prize and on a giant banner behind the counter in giant letters is a message stating "Large 2 Topping Pizza - $8.88". (Cue The Price Is Right tuba they play when an old lady thinks that a new Chevy Malibu costs 7 grand and loses the game.)

eating Chicago
In the middle of a 2 week break from school. (Next 5-week class is the last one, graduating in June at long fucking last.) For a while I had been hoping for a couple of days where I had nothing to do for once. Be careful what you wish for. The past 2 days have been like that, and unfortunately the emptiness made me come face to face with the lack of purpose in my life, since I've been too busy the past few years with work and skool to have much else for an agenda. Or perhaps I should rephrase that: I do have purposes and goals for life, I've just had to have them way on the back burner, and a week or 2 between classes isn't enough time to move them to the front burner and get momentum going that will just be snuffed out when classes start again. So in late June we'll revisit that purpose thing again.

Other poop that's been going down:

Warren Ellis had been raving about some Zola Jesus person and I was surprised to find out in March that she's in Madison and was about to play a show a few blocks from me. I checked out her show at the Project Lodge and she's got that proverbial great set of pipes. Kick ass voice, bummed that she's moving away this year.

My buddy Pete who moved here from Chicago says the only thing he misses about it is the food. I went to Chicago for a couple of days the other week to visit fornikate and eat my way through the city and it tasted awesome. Had real Chicago style pizza at Giordanos and there is a Mexican restaurant called La Pasadita that has 3 locations within 60 feet of each other. I guess down there if you need to expand you don't make the building bigger, you just get more buildings. Will need to go to Kumas and Hot Dougs when I get I have a few hours to kill to wait in line outside. Made another visit to the Exit for punk downstairs and industrial doms upstairs. The McDonalds at the oasises on the way there still had Shamrock Shakes for some reason, so I had to indulge both on the way there and back.

Looking at how Kumas and Hot Dougs are unique places that can't feed everyone who wants to go there, and how we don't have that sort of problem here in Madison for non-corporate bistros (except maybe the Great Dane), I have an idea for a restaurant. Goona save up and when I retire from whatever the hell I do and cash in the IRAs I'm going to start the weirdest restaurant I can think of. There will be hella weird food combinations, perhaps we'll blast polka music or war drum marching music at the patrons, have weird art work everywhere, and perhaps sometimes have midgets kung fu fighting each other in the walkways. Things like that. The goal won't be to make money, the goal will be to stay in business until I lose about $100,000 and then quit.

it's about damn time
Whilst browsing around the other day to see if the final Opus strips were in book format yet, I discovered this and peed myself:

The old Bloom County books were missing more than half the strips because Berke or the publishers thought they sucked, or perhaps for some other nebulous reasons, but they're now reprinting every single strip that ever existed (some had to be resurrected from old yellowing newspapers because the author had hated and destroyed the originals, and thus the print quality of some of them is low) and I'm finally reading them for the first time since the original newspaper run.

I remember cutting out some of the strips from the newspaper (some of them became bookmarks) and later being pissed because some of the ones I clipped never appeared in the books. Like the series where the elderly couple goes to Florida and winds up on the space shuttle; as a kid in the 80's I thought it would be neat to cut out every episode of that particular adventure and tape them together to form one long comic, and I'm finally reading it again for the first time since my mom threw it away.
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