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adventures in meatheadedry
Whilst bicycle riding nex to Lake Monona last week in the evening with my pal Angel, some dude in a SUV driving down West Washington Ave bellowed the word "FAGGOTS!" at us. Really loud-like. It sounded like he had a real passionate disliking for homosexuals. Angel, being a lesbian, shouted "YOU KNOW IT!" back at him, but being straight I couldn't truthfully say that myself. But what was confusing was that in the immediate area there were just the 2 of us and one other person riding his bike the other way, and there was no way to tell who was gay. Perhaps he was a bit clairvoyant about Angel, but he used the plural form of the word. It was kind of dark out, there were no rainbows on us, and there wasn't a dick in my mouth. So what made him shout gender-preferential slurs at us? Perhaps he just hates on bicycles. Perhaps the Gaydar in his big manly SUV was malfunctioning.

I spent much of the winter (which still seems to be clinging on for dear life) on a bit of a health kick. I first tried to lose some weight via the 4 Hour Body method that is googleable, but only lost about 5 pounds over 2 months, perhaps because I gained some muscle weight with all the protein I consumed. Then I illegally downloaded the P90X videos and PDFs, as some girls I know do that workout with a lot of success with the lean version that is more geared towards calorie burning. So I started the 90 day program with the intent to at least not gain any of the annual winter blubber, but I soon decided to also do mostly the body building part of it just to see what would happen.

Day 90 was this past Sunday (which I spent drunk at the Brewer game in Milwaukee and at an Irish bar a few blocks away afterward). I would say that my results are mixed, mostly because I did the program half-assed. Most of the workouts are about an hour long, and the Yoga X video is an hour and a half. Plus there's an extra 15 minute Ab workout that takes place after 3 of the 6 weekly workouts. That's just too damn much time. And the workouts are so intense that I couldn't finish some of them ever (I never got more than 5 minutes into the Ab video). Screw that poopie! I feel better than I ever have, but I don't look much buffer, and I haven't lost much poundage (not that I had much to lose in the first place, but I still don't have a six pack tummy, still a little bit of a beer gut down that way yonder). And there is a "recovery drink" they want you to buy, but my recovery drink after the workouts was sometimes a beer or sake. I didn't even do a protein shake afterwards (which I sometimes do now, as it's helping to make by body a little stronger and my appetite a bit lesser).

What I did end up doing over the winter was slowly learn how to take better care of this aging body I'm currently trapped in, and slowly get some better habits than what I had before. A year ago my breakfast was usually one or two bowls of Lucky Charms or Booberry cereal and a glass of kool-aid. Now it's sometimes fried egg whites, sometimes protein powder in either water or oatmeal, often times green or black tea, sometimes some kombucha, and sometimes a bowl of Cinnamon Life cereal if I'm in a hurry or just want to fill myself more. I still do the P90X crap, albeit a lighter 30 minute version that they recommend for program graduates, although I graduated with an equivalent GPA of perhaps a C minus (just like the first college I went to).

I'm by no means a meatheady jock now or any shit like that. I still eat crap here and there, and nobody is gonna look at me and say "wow what the fuck did you do". But I feel a hell of a lot better, for what that's worth.

Perhaps next time I'll have something more witty or soul-searching to barf up here, but right now my damaged soul is trapped within Final Fantasy XIII.

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(Deleted comment)
I might look into the Shred after P90X gets boring.

i'm gonna need noodz to verify this

nah seriously, good for you. i'm trying to eat better now that they figured out my thyroid issue but i still feel like shit :(

When in doubt, eat lots of ice cream. I heard there's vitamins in them.

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